By: Rabbi Yitzchok Hisiger | Originally Reviewed by Avi Shiff

In the frum community, there are some conversations that we avoid, conversations that are deemed too uncomfortable or awkward to have. Topics about challenges to kedushah are among those that many prefer to sweep under the rug, hoping that they will somehow resolve themselves without intervention. 

There’s a pervasive fear among parents and educators alike: If we open these doors, we might unleash something we cannot control. It’s an issue that has been swept aside for too long.

In his groundbreaking book, From Boys to Men, Dr. Shloimie Zimmerman takes a bold stance, shattering the silence, and challenging the status quo. Through a blend of Torah wisdom and cutting-edge psychological research, he offers an essential, comprehensive guide to educating and supporting our sons and students in navigating the complex terrain of health, safety, puberty, marital intimacy, and the modern challenges to kedushah.

Dr. Zimmerman’s journey to writing Boys to Men was not taken lightly. After speaking with numerous gedolei Torah, he recognized the immense damage being done by leaving these topics untouched, and the tremendous pain that was being caused by a lack of proper education. 

“When our children need us the most, especially during their adolescent years, we’ve ignored them,” Dr. Zimmerman explains. 

The harsh truth is that, while parents want to protect their children and shield them from harm, many do not know how to approach these delicate issues. Dr. Zimmerman’s solution was not to shy away, but to take the courageous step of addressing these topics head-on. With the guidance of gedolim and the support of mental health professionals, he undertook the arduous task of creating a book that integrates Torah wisdom with modern psychology in a way that offers clear, Torah-true direction for addressing these issues.

From Boys to Men is the book we never knew we needed but desperately do. 

It doesn’t just address the problems. It flips the whole issue on its head, offering a new way to approach these sensitive conversations. It empowers parents and educators to tackle these topics with confidence and clarity. 

Dr. Zimmerman’s work is an eye-opener, revolutionizing the way we discuss these issues within the Torah world. No longer are we left in the dark, hoping that silence will somehow solve our problems. Instead, we are given a roadmap — a comprehensive, Torah-based approach to help guide our children through the challenges of kedushah in a world that often feels overwhelmingly permissive.

A key component of the book’s success is its willingness to confront uncomfortable truths. 

“The whole issue of teaching about kedushah is really a boogeyman,” Dr. Zimmerman says candidly. “There is a terrible fear that if we educate kids, something terrible will happen. It’s simply not true. The evidence proves otherwise. The more we educate, the more empowered they are. The whole thing is a straw man.” 

This is the fundamental breakthrough that From Boys to Men offers: a reframing of the conversation about kedushah and purity. Rather than seeing these topics as taboo, something to be avoided at all costs, Dr. Zimmerman encourages us to approach them openly and proactively. By doing so, we empower our children to make informed, healthy decisions, helping them navigate the complex world of adolescence with a firm grounding in Torah values.

One of the most revolutionary aspects of Dr. Zimmerman’s approach is his emphasis on early education. According to him, teaching children about kedushah before they reach puberty is essential. 

“The most crucial time to educate children is between the ages of 9 and 11,” Dr. Zimmerman asserts. This is the window during which curiosity begins to develop, and it is the perfect time to equip children with the tools they need to navigate these difficult topics. By addressing these issues early, we prevent our children from seeking out answers from harmful, unreliable sources, which can often lead to devastating consequences. This early intervention ensures that they are prepared when the inevitable challenges arise, and that they have a bank of reliable, Torah-true information to draw upon when needed.

The book also addresses the common misconception that talking about these topics will somehow encourage negative behavior. Dr. Zimmerman explains that the opposite is true: silence leads to confusion, shame, and increased acting out. 

“When we show up for our kids, we help them navigate the challenges of kedushah with a sense of normalcy and health,” he says. 

Dr. Zimmerman helps parents see that talking openly about these issues doesn’t lead to corruption. Rather, it empowers children to make healthy, informed choices. This approach is endorsed by gedolim, including Rav Shmuel Kamenetsky, who remarked, “If we’re open with kids, they’ll be open with us, and that’s most important.”

Another key takeaway from Boys to Men is the importance of creating an ongoing dialogue. Dr. Zimmerman encourages parents to incorporate these conversations into everyday life. Whether it’s through casual discussions, events, or topics in their learning, the critical element is consistency. “The best education happens organically,” he says, “as a topic comes up in daily life.” It’s not about giving a one-time lecture. It’s about opening the door to a continuous conversation, one that reinforces the message that kedushah is something to be valued and protected, not something to be ashamed of or avoided.

The book also delves into the practical aspect of educating our children in a way that fits their developmental needs. “If you’re clear, coherent, calm, and truthful; if you validate the normalcy of their drives and failings, we can mitigate — not solve — much of the dysfunction and pain that kids experience.” 

Dr. Zimmerman stresses the importance of validating a child’s feelings and struggles without stigmatizing them. Far too often, boys who struggle with issues related to kedushah are left feeling isolated and ashamed, unaware that their struggles are a normal part of adolescence. By approaching these issues with empathy and understanding, we can help prevent the toxic shame that so often accompanies these challenges.

As From Boys to Men takes us through these complex topics, Dr. Zimmerman does not shy away from addressing the most controversial issues. One of the most powerful sections of the book discusses the importance of teaching about marital intimacy in an age-appropriate way. While many parents might feel uncomfortable discussing this topic with their children, Dr. Zimmerman’s perspective is that it is precisely this discomfort that must be overcome. “The most toxic damage isn’t misinformation; the fundamental issue is that silence speaks volumes,” he argues. Teaching about marital intimacy in the context of kedushah helps to remove the mystery and the stigma, allowing children to approach the subject with a sense of holiness and reverence rather than confusion and curiosity driven by external sources.

The book’s impact has been profound. Dr. Zimmerman shares stories of individuals from all walks of life who have approached him, from young adults to parents, expressing how this book has had a life-changing effect on them. 

“Everywhere I go, people come over to me, even those between the ages of 20 and 50, telling me how much this book gave them chizuk,” he shares. “It could have changed the trajectory of their lives had they been educated differently when they were young.” 

Dr. Zimmerman’s plea for change is one that resonates deeply within the frum community. From Boys to Men is now Mosaica Press’ best-selling book of all time, and Dr. Zimmerman’s work has been featured on the cover of Mishpacha Magazine and on widely listened to podcasts including Meaningful People, Halacha Headlines, and That’s an Issue. From Boys to Men provides clarity, compassion, and confidence, empowering us to engage with our children in meaningful, transformative ways.

If you want to help your children grow into strong, spiritually grounded adults, then From Boys to Men is a must-read. It’s a book that will not only change your perspective, but could also very much change the course of your child’s life.

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